


What Could Have Been

by Misterdevere



Series: January Challenge [11]
Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Matchmaker Eggsy, Miscarriage, Miscommunication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-12 21:45:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10500060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misterdevere/pseuds/Misterdevere
Summary: Prompt: Harry/Roxy miscarriage pleaseHarry and Roxy try for a baby but life has other plans, and Eggsy's forced to play matchmaker again.





	

**Author's Note:**

> There's nothing too graphic here, but a miscarriage does happen so if that's something that affects you, please don't read this, or at least heed the warnings before you do.

Roxy watched, leaning against the doorframe and arms crossed over her chest, as Harry read Daisy her bedtime story. He was even doing different voices for all of the characters. They looked after Daisy every now and again but she'd never had this particular pleasure. She'd never seen anything so adorable and she was sure her heart would burst if she watched for much longer, so she forced herself to leave and went to make tea instead.

Harry came down a little while later and she laced her hands together on the back of his neck. "I love you."

Harry kissed her softly and smiled down at her. "I love you, too."

"No, I mean... I'm so, completely, 100%, head over heels in love with you." Harry kissed her again, deeper, but looked at her with just a hint of suspicion. "I didn't think I could love you any more but seeing you with Daisy... What if we had our own?"

Harry's face dropped. It wasn't the first time they'd spoken about kids but it still came as a shock. Harry had always wanted some but he'd given up on the idea years ago. Roxy never particularly had, and she wasn't ready to put her career on hold for a baby, so they'd decided against it. There was a short time when Harry hoped she'd change her mind but he could've been waiting forever and he wasn't getting any younger so he nipped that in the bud. "Roxy, we've spoken about this."

Roxy shrugged. "I know. But you should see yourself with her. You'd make such a wonderful father." She grinned at him.

"I need you to be sure about this." He didn't think he could take it if she changed her mind again, and his tone and his expression were heavy with the gravity of it.

"I am. My implant appointment is in 2 weeks. Tell me to, and I'll cancel it. Say no, and nothing has to change. You don't have to decide right now." She ran her fingers through his hair, hoping it would be as soothing now as it usually was.

Harry smiled at her again. "Neither do you, darling." He got a gentle smile back and pulled her close to him, wrapping his arms around her and hooking his chin over her shoulder. "I love you so much." It was barely a whisper but if the squeeze around his waist was anything to go by, she heard it.

\-------------------------------

Roxy climbed under the covers and slotted herself against Harry's side, an arm across his stomach. She rested her head on his shoulder and looked up at him. "Talk to me."

Harry had gone to bed early but had just been lying there since, thinking. He'd done little else the past week. "Did you mean it? Do you really want a baby? You're not just agreeing to what I want? You're sure you're ready for it?"

"Harry, I love you, but I'm not going to make my entire life about pleasing you. And if you thought for a second that I would, you would never have married me." Harry chuckled. She was right, of course. "I want to do this, as long as you do too."

"You know I do." Harry went quiet again, idly stroking up and down Roxy's side as he was lost in thought once again. Eventually, he tilted her head up a little more and smiled down at her. "Okay. If you're sure, cancel the appointment."

She grinned back. "Well, I might not have meant that bit. You know how medical have a sort of active opt-out thing, I will still have to go to it." Harry let out a fond little laugh and kissed the top of her head. She propped herself up to kiss him properly.

\-------------------------------

Harry was washing the dishes from the morning, just about to start cooking dinner, when Roxy got home. She wrapped her arms around his waist, gently kissed his shoulder and pressed her cheek to his back.

Harry dried his hands and turned around, leaning back against the side and holding her close. "How did it go?"

"As expected. No implant. They say it could take a week or so to get back to normal but we should be good to go straight away, just don't get our hopes up too much before that." She knew it probably wasn't going to be immediate but she was excited and it showed.

A smile spread across Harry's face and he bent down to kiss her. "Well then, Mrs. Hart, what do you say we go and get started?" Roxy giggled and led the way.

\-----------------------------

"Okay. Galahad, I'll talk you through getting into that safe. Tristan, there's a door at the east end of the corridor - if anyone's coming for you, it'll most likely be from there. Lancelot, you cover the stairs to the west." The three of them got into position on Merlin's orders.

Harry followed Merlin's instructions, quickly getting into the safe, copying everything he could from the laptop inside it, and closing it behind him as if he was never there. Mission success, now they just had to get out of the building. "Right on cue! You've got three coming up to that door, I'm sure you can manage one each."

Harry and Roxy moved to meet Tristan, ready for whoever came to greet them. Roxy was halfway down the corridor when the door burst open and Merlin chimed in again, "Lancelot, your six!" Roxy turned to shoot, only to have her gun knocked from her hand before she could aim. She grabbed the attacker's wrist, using his momentum against him. As he landed, he swept her legs out from under her and landed one last kick - hard enough to send her crashing into the wall behind her - before Harry put a bullet in his head, leaving Tristan to take care of the last man.

Harry knelt by Roxy's side, helping her sit up. "Lancelot, talk to me."

"I'm fine." Harry stood, offering her a hand and she took it. As he pulled her to standing, she crumpled back to the floor, crying out in pain. "Fuck. I think he might've broken a rib or two. Definitely some bruising."

"Just take a second. Come on, deep breaths, nice and slow." He helped her up gently and winced in sympathy as she hissed at the pain. "Merlin, get us out of here and have medical on standby. Tristan, lead the way. I've got Lancelot."

Their escape went just as smoothly as the rest of the mission had, the three of them back at HQ before they knew it. Harry and Tristan were in and out of medical and patting themselves on the back for a mission well done, waiting for them to finish looking Roxy over so that they could celebrate properly, when they were interrupted. "Galahad. Sorry to disturb you sir, but medical have sent for you, for Lancelot."

Fearing the worst, that Roxy had been seriously hurt and none of them had noticed, he ran to medical. When he opened the door, he was relieved to see her sitting up, looking drained but physically okay. All of the colour left her face when she saw him, though. "Harry. I'm so sorry."

Harry smiled at her. "Don't be silly, it's not your fault. Sometimes things go wrong." Roxy cut him off with a shake of her head, her eyes filling with tears. It was only then that Harry took in the room - particularly the bloodied clothes on the floor, Roxy clutching her stomach and the doctor standing awkwardly to one side. "No."

"I'm sorry." It was barely a whisper, her throat closing up and tears falling down her cheeks. Harry took the few long steps to her and wrapped her up in his arms.

"It's okay, darling. It'll be okay." He held her tight as she sobbed and did his best not to do the same, only a couple of tears escaping from his own eyes. Neither of them noticed the doctor silently excuse himself, leaving them to handle it alone.

\-----------------------------

"You're lucky, you are. You get to kick someone's arse then don't have to lift a finger for a couple of weeks. I've had worse than that and been packed off on a plane the same day," Eggsy teased. They had a standing lunch date for whenever both of them were around, but with Roxy being out of action and Bors getting himself injured, Eggsy had been busier than usual so this was their first in a while.

She didn't seem amused. "Mm, I doubt it."

Eggsy frowned at that. "What d'you mean? I thought it was just a bit of a punch up?"

"It was." She pushed her food around her plate a bit, staring down at it. "But...I lost a baby."

Eggsy set his fork down. "Shit. And I just told you you're fucking lucky. Sorry." He took Roxy's free hand in his. "How are you doing?"

"I'm okay. Well, not okay. Better than Harry, I think. He's sort of thrown himself into work though. They gave us both three weeks, longer if I needed it, barring any absolute emergencies, so I guess I'll be back on Monday. I'm not really in a hurry, I think I could do with it, but he went back after about a week. I think he was going a bit stir-crazy so he cut his leave short as soon as he knew I was okay with it."

"I, uh, I didn't even know you were pregnant." He felt awkward saying it but keeping his mouth shut was rarely his strong point. Roxy gave him a small smile, not taking offence to it.

"Neither did we. I only just came round to the idea, we only started trying a few weeks ago but you know how much he's wanted this. We both did. I think it might've been better for both of us if I hadn't changed my mind." She pulled her hand away from Eggsy's and stared down at her food again. "I didn't kick anyone's arse, he caught me off guard and Harry shot him. I should've been quicker and we would be celebrating right now. He told me he needed me to be sure. He couldn't take having that hope dangled in front of him and then snatched away again. He must hate me, I know he must, he can barely even look at me."

"A million things could've happened for it to work out differently, and a million other things could've made it work out the same. You get pretty close but none of us are ever perfect. We all have off days but that don't make it your fault." He knew what he meant to say but he couldn't get it to come out right. He just hoped it sounded slightly less dismissive and a lot more comforting than it did in his head. "This probably ain't the right thing to say but even if you had been quicker, something else could've still gone wrong, something you couldn't even think about blaming yourself for, so don't blame yourself for this neither. And Harry could never hate you, don't think I've ever seen anyone more in love than you two."

"Well, that beats 'you'll be okay next time' or 'at least you hadn't got attached to it'. No, it...that helps, thank you." Eggsy smiled at her then got up and slid into the booth beside her, putting his arm around her and squeezing.

\---------------------------

Eggsy knocked on the door and waited to be called in. "Oh. Eggsy. What can I do for you?"

Eggsy closed the door behind him but didn't move to make himself comfortable. "Have you got a few minutes?"

"Of course. Honestly, I'm really just killing time until I can leave without raising any eyebrows so I'm all yours." Harry gestured to the seat across from him. He looked glad to have company, actually. Eggsy hoped he wasn't about to change that.

"Good. That's good." He sat down and paused for a second before he spoke. "I, um... Roxy told me. About the baby."

"Ah, I see." He looked down at the paperwork he'd been pretending to be doing. It was endearing how alike he and Roxy were.

"I'm really sorry, mate, I know how much it must've meant to you. How are you?"

"It's difficult, but we'll get through it. I'm mostly just trying to figure out if it's better or worse that we didn't know. You know, you think you can't really feel the loss of something you've never had but it's the finding out what could've been and what wasn't to be all at once. I suppose it might have been silly for me to get my hopes up."

"Nah, it weren't. I know it's none of my business but this don't mean it's too late or nothing, you know, if that's what you wanted." Eggsy shrugged, trying not to seem like he was forcing his opinion.

"No, I suppose it isn't. I don't think we're ready to think too much about that yet, though, at least I'm not. How is she doing? I suspect it's affected her more than she's letting on." He looked up at Eggsy for the first time since the conversation started. 

The question threw Eggsy. "What d'you mean 'how's she doing?'? She's your wife, I've barely seen her."

"Yes, well, she won't talk about it." He fiddled with his pen, staring at that instead of Eggsy. "She thinks I blame her."

"Do you?" Eggsy cut in quickly. "I don't mean to be a prick but..."

"Of course not." Harrys eyes snapped up to his. He looked insulted.

"Sorry, I had to ask."

"No, you didn't."

It was Eggsy's turn to look away this time. It was true, having known Harry as long as he had and as well as he did, he really didn't need to ask. "I'm sorry."

"She wasn't even supposed to be there." Harry's voice after such a long silence startled him. "It was supposed to be just a quick in and out. There certainly didn't need to be three of us there, but there was nowhere else she needed to be and I thought she should come along for the practice. You know how it is, as brilliant as you both are, you haven't been at this long and there are still a few gaps in your knowledge. It seemed like a low risk way for her to learn a couple of new skills in a real life scenario. It seems I misjudged. Now all I can see when I look at her is her disappointment and there's not a thing I can do to stop it."

"So...you think it's your fault? It ain't anyone's fault, Harry. Well, except maybe the prick that did it. Again, not my business, but have you tried telling her this? It might help."

"It might. Or it might just as easily destroy us." The two of them settled into silence.

\--------------------

Roxy walked into the room to a table set for a candlelit dinner and Harry standing beside it. "Oh. I thought-"

"Eggsy, yes." They gave a perfectly-synchronised long suffering roll of their eyes.

"I dunno if you're gone thank me for this or kill me," They both jumped at Eggsy's voice over the speaker, "but you two have got your wires crossed and I'm just tryna help uncross them. So you can both be stubborn if you want, and at least you still get a nice meal out of it, but there's sort of an elephant in the room now so...enjoy!" The pair smiled fondly and took their seats.

**Author's Note:**

> As ever, comments are appreciated, but especially on subjects like this.


End file.
